Wednesday, January 30, 2008

i can't wait for tml to be over. fitness test, a battle of the egos.

i hope i get my intern! den i will haf money to buy ps3!

days are passing by, i am slowly forgetting. that's a gd start.

off to company law...

Monday, January 28, 2008

wah today really damn 'heng' la. haha in tpy central. lol. quite funny thinking abt how we try to avoid seeing her.

and, i absolutely HATE it when ppl dun reply me.

nth is fair in this world. trying hard isn't akin to success. so maybe i have to wait & see huh? is that what u're trying so say? and wassup wif that attitude man.

倘若我能打开你心里的心节，那该多好啊。

maybe if u grow to do so.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

i guessed that trip's off. act i wondered how i might feel now if i just kept silent. the rooftop's really a gd place to visit when u're depressed. esp when u live on the 30th storey.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

and how apt, dreams are meant for sleeping. if so, i really wish i dun wake up today.

2 of my fave songs from the korean drama 'full house'.

02. Fate
translation by:eebyul (also credit: aheeyah.com)

I dont really know love
I didnt know it would come to me like this
My heart doesnt act like it wants to in front of my love

If I knew I was going to be like this,
I wouldn't have started in the first place
Like a fool, I am regretting this late

I wished that you wouldnt be my love
I wished that it wouldnt be you
You deceited me, telling me that its not love

I hoped that it would be a passing by fate
Because painful wounds will be left on me
But even when I know this, I am still greedy
It keeps getting me sad

I thought that it was a wrong start
I thought so easily
I believed that I could always call you

What should I do?
Where did it go wrong?
I need to avoid this love
But I yearn for everything about you

Now if its not you, there is no meaning to anything
I can't contain myself anymore
The fact that I have to erase you
Today again,

It makes it even harder..


04. I Think I – Byul

I believed that it couldn’t be, that it wasn't
There is simply no way that I could be in love with you
It is just petty jealousy,I am just feeling lonely
I tried to deceive myself
But now I can't hide from it any longer

I Think I love You~ that’s how it seems~
Cause I Miss You~ when you’re not around
I can’t do anything
I keep thinking about you
If I look at how things are I know~
I'm Falling For You~ I didn’t realize it-
Now I Need You~ all the time
Located so deep in my heart
Now I see it is you-

Maybe we are not suited for each other
It would be good if we are just friends -um-
From one to ten, we never agree on anything-
How can we have a relationship?
People say we won’t be able to do it
I keep saying it
But now I hate to do it any longer-

I didn't realize how I felt about you
Why couldn't I see?
It was right in front of me
That whole time you were right next to me
Why is it now that I finally see that it is love?

snap out of it, diana!!!!

i feel injured, left right centre man. my right knee hyper-extended dur trg just now. lucky it didn't extend too much. and now, my back. gosh, i hope everything's alright when i visit the physio next week.

i don't wanna talk alr. always say i think too much. i only wanted someone to listen to me but i guess, they are not in the same boat. they'll never understand. i need a dictionary that can decipher what one simple sentence means.

Friday, January 25, 2008

haa bibien is gg for her op tml. all the best man! looking forward to playing with u on the same court again! met alvin today, and the first thing he said was "Woman, u became smaller leh. depression ah?" maybe i really lost weight. ha.

mel, now i really want to take back wad i say. HOW???????? kns. so much for no regrets. kill me la.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was me and you

i wish i could sleep forever, never to wake up. boohoo.

last sun, i asked eddie if she missed hc trg. haha, and last nite, i concluded i do. i really miss jl's trgs man. felt quite gd after his individual coaching session even though it wasn't v long. but at least, IT WAS EFFECTIVE. SHORT & SWEET. my god, im so tired seriously. and i'm gonna die for weeks 6 & 7. may take a break frm nationals then.

it's strange how a simple msg can make your day.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

i am just waiting for the day when all the tears dry up.

it's so agonizing, i nearly hyperventilated just now. maybe i cant get too agitated these days. ha. reminds me of the movie 'secret'.

saying it has more negatives than not saying it, isnt it? and now, i really duno what to do. why? whenever i tink i'm over it, the problem comes back right smacked into my face.

how now? u tell me la.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

lalallalalala, one more week and i'll say goodbye.

i tink i sprained my thumb again. crap.

i thought i was over it alr. but it just irritates me even more now.

haa, don't worry gerry, i'm fine :) will rem to change my gay blogskin soon!

Monday, January 14, 2008

hmmm, seems like u're really right abt it. it probably happened. now perhaps i really don't understand u.

oh man, today's the start of another dreadful week. damn i hate mondays. and i look forward to thurs. didn't get my bid for ethics, so i'm gg to stick to company law. which means, my gpa this sem is gonna plummet man. die la i need a miracle again. give me a miracle just like Finance!!

let's escape to another realm, where there's no right or wrong; where we don't have any reservations. i am always certain of what i'm doing, don't doubt it.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

it seems alright, but it doesn't FEEL right.

i look alright, but i don't.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

haa no emo posts for today.

lower back really hurts now. i wonder how am i gg to survive. nvm the end of the week's nearing.

for now, it's trg and study. let's forget abt other stuff now. take my mind off it.......

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

boo. im in sch now. damn sian. but this negotiation class seems fun. maybe it can teach me to become a better negotiator. bah. the train ride this morning seems longer than usual.

just the thought of it really made me smile. how i wish that things could reverse but no, it's all too one-sided. and don't be silly, u can't bring it up again. don't mess up ppl's life again so don't be an idiot.

unfortunately, will i really close up after this? perhaps.

isn't what now that really matters? ok, i don't really know what your view is. maybe what i wrote is really childish. but i am sure that i've never been so upset in such a long while. so what? just suppress it lor.

maybe i shuld just go find a cute guy in smu. no, im kidding. im not that desperate.

and this is shocking, my prof just called out a familiar name. haha, but it was a student from another class. damn, im gg to drop this class.

and maybe sometimes, we shouldn't think so much. until a simple yes-no qn becomes so complex.

Monday, January 07, 2008

first 21s trg of the year, we did alot of jumps. until me and peiqin had backache man. maybe now that i will be so busy, it'll take my mind off things. ok, i'm lying. whenever, i'm alone, i tink of it alr. i really need to work v hard if i want to continue to be in the team. that's the only thing worth working for now, besides sch.

maybe it's gd to be young and naive. i didn't rem i had so much troubles last time. this is not confusion, i know what i am saying. i think, u're gonna be the first and last. cannot take it alr. actually i realised u never gave me a reply. i must do everything myself. yes, i dun want to disrupt yr life over it, so i ended it quickly. but does it mean that when the feeling goes away, it doesnt matter anymore? i wouldn't haf been troubled for so long if that was the case. yes, no one can imagine the length of time. maybe u just cant get out of the mindset. sigh.

frensfrensfrensfrensfrensfrensfrensfrens

y does all my problems revolve around netball? screw it.

no regrets. no turning back alr. no more hopes. just waiting to move on. time heals all wounds. stupid bothering feeling. i know i will regret in saying those words, but i haf no choice. it's the only way to salvage the situation now. at least i hope. it became better today.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

sigh, i think i cannot play daisy tan lor. always make me lose confidence after it one. last year oso lidat. and i haf to admit that i feel v threatened in fact, and this suxs when i haf this kind of insecurity in the club i love to play for most. sigh. what if we no longer get to play tog? that suxs, i shuld be the next in line one to take over pl, not her.

my god, i need a breakthrough in mentality as well. i need the mental strength now. i cannot disappoint them. i want to change but i really duno how. it suxs that they are so concerned yet im not improving. f man.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

ok la, i know i'm damn lousy la but u know i'm not gd with comforting ppl. so to gerry and xian, sorry if i had been insensitive yah. had alot of problems lately, so sorry for neglecting u guys after the results. i guess, it may not be a bad thing after all. and i think my own commitment may end on march 6th itself. just thinking abt it makes me shudder. i never felt so insecure b4 so i can understand how u guys felt.

but not making it to the squad doesn't mean u don't have other avenues to prove yourself rite? i played NSL last year oso wad, and didnt i prove myself to mh? so what in the end she didnt pick me for Arafura? of cos i was upset la, cos i was having my final exams and she had to screw me up lidat. and to imagine that i was the ONLY one not selected. i got through all that trauma cos of supportive friends so don't think that your friends don't care when they don't ask abt it. asking abt it may make u feel worse since it may be better that we not talk abt it at all.

gerry, if u haf spoken to jiao lian, im sure u'll be convinced by what he said. just like what he told me last year. and i come back this year stronger and better than b4 because of him. so, dun quit on us, don't quit on sneakers.

xian, if u rem, how coach mun responded when u told her i didnt make it to the team last year? u are one of her best players, and im sure this fact wouldn't change. see the good in that so many ppl still haf faith in you, rather than the tiny misjudgement. don't let it destroy u.

and ya, sorry for being such a troublemaker. sorry for all the problems i've caused. i wuld suggest that perhaps, instead of questioning why did i do it, think abt what wuld i have become if i didnt do it. either ways, it's a lose-lose situation for me.

and i haf alr realised it, didn't take me long to realise the meaning of friendship. frens forever man.

sorry im childish.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

stupid la i start off 2008 feeling pissed, upset and depressed. my moods these 2 days have been lingering between sadness and anger. i'm pissed cos u always dont wanna reply me, then i have to keep guessing if u're pissed or smt. im devastated cos i knew of it alr.surprisingly, i didn't cry. i wonder why. no tears came. maybe because i held back at first instance. now i don't see the point. im sorry for bothering u abt it. forget it then. i don't want to spoil yr life cos of this. it's my own problem. my fault. just pretend i don't exist la. things cant go back to the past alr anyway. i just threw away smt most precious in my life. and now im crying.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

2007 resolutions:
1. I'll save money and go on holiday with my friends
2. I'll give the 21s selections a try
3. I'll train harder ( no one trains to become second )
4. I'll be less anti-social in sch....lol
5. I'll get my driving license!!!
6. I'll be more filial
7. I'll get a GPA of at least 3.5
8. I'll NOT get chicken pox again!!!

ok, i've kinda fulfilled no.1 cos i went to hk wif sneakers. ha. i tink i became less anti-social in sch. and i got my driving license! yay. i tink i became more filial. hurhur. GPA is a flop. stupid. and of cos, i didn't get chicken pox again. well, this year has been a damn shitty one cos of no. 2 and 3. maybe if i play less netball, i will feel less miserable. there's always such a tradeoff eh? i wouldn't get stuck in such a shit situation like now. it's quite funny, i read my blog posts one year ago, and realised the way i blog has become has a more depressing tone. wadever la.

2008 resolutions:
1. I just wanna be happy once again.
2. I hope i don't screw my grades again.
3. I've nth much to say abt netball. Just do whatever is within my ability.
4. I will get out of my depression soon. or rather, i will stop feeling depressed easily.

I really hope 2008 will be a better year. the bottomline is I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY AGAIN. sigh. but this is such a depressing start. f.