Monday, April 30, 2007

i don't want to keep trying too hard. it's too tiring and hurting. i'm not getting anything back.

life suxs.

day 1 of "Project Distancing-myself-from-others" starts.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

suddenly, i felt scared. it's not really worth it to abandon it just because smt else is not working out. pls don't.

this is a bad year. and not even half the year has passed. damn.

arugh.....i'm damn pissed!! wif alot of things...sneakers trg was bad. i received my blaw grade and im wondering y the hell was i so distracted when i did that paper.....it's totally not worth it for arafura. YUCKS.

don't make me sound as if i'm so indebted to u. u're just so insensitive. go to hell.

i shuld start making myself more distant.

Friday, April 27, 2007

alrights, i just finished an entire jap serial within 2 nites. beat that! haha, will blog abt the story later.

marlins trg was great but i couldn't help think abt smt else.

Monday, April 23, 2007

alright, stupid blogger din allow me to publish my post.......

just wanted to sae: and of cos, thanks huifen for the chocolate and card...hahah thor for the towel and Q for the treat! :)

and thank you all for yr wishes!!

hahah i realised i've been so caught up with netball that i have no time for other things in life. damn sad la....so this entry is dedicated to the events that happened recently:
1. Yas's and Mag's 21st Birthday Party (17th March)
oh yes, haven attended birthday parties in like ages la...but the party was at geylang -_- hahah, ya i noe, weird place. it was mag bro's house and its really quite cool...peilin and huimin went too...haha the drinks that nite was not bad, right geri?


2. Lunch at Kuishinbo
haha it was our annual celebration for qing and ah gong....and i have to admit kuishinbo's food is rather gd...i tink maybe even better than sakae....and the price's rather worth it too!! :)

hahaha, this was wad we took at the start.....slow starter man...

the paper steamboat! i didn't try the food tho...i was scared it would be still raw -___-


oh yes, that was the amt of desserts we took! madness la...

presents from my biz law project mates!! thanks renfred, jen, yuelin and xiaofang!!

thanks yas for the lovely photoframe and meaningful card... :)

and finally, the best card i've received so far....hahahah....really touched by wad the 21s team did and thanks zhen for the beautiful drawing!! lucky nvr ask vivien to draw....LOL

thanks xian, viv, peiqin, zhen, shiqi, melody and lingxin!!! i was damn shocked seriously..
4. Overnite mahjong session
hahahah damn shiok la thor and q came over last nite for mahjong...weisong kenna duty....so suay la....and ye and amanda, faster finish yr exams!!!!

wahahaha my luck not bad right??

Saturday, April 21, 2007

okie xian, if ure reading this, im not despising the sharks team. i believe u guys could haf gone v far, even w/o a coach. but maybe its the inexperience but i haf no right to interfere. shiqi's a great capt so u all haf to trust her. there's immense pressure on her as well.

as an outsider, i can probably tell u guys to jia you and jia you again. but its not abt the players, it's abt the team. it's abt the chemistry. gd luck.

as to being despised by other nsl teams, it always happens when a young team goes to play at the higest level of netball. it happens when the 19s plays in division 1 of national league rite? it's just human nature. call it underestimation.

but no matter how humiliating it is, u guys will nvr understand the amt of humiliation and insult i got this year. and all from the 21s alone. it's not abt thinking too highly of yourself. it's abt having no control over the coach's bias. it's not even abt getting benched. i get benched all the time in marlins, but i can understand. better and more experienced players are fighting to win the game for us. i don't mean to hint anything, i think it couldn't be more obvious. everyone watches how sharks plays. it's up to u guys to pull yourselves up. like how i did after facing all kinds of shit this year.

not even making to main 12. can u guys even imagine that kind of crap feeling anot? pls la i can still rem the scene when she announced the results for the first time can. yet, still not picked even after swallowing all my pride to be a substitute squad player. who can understand that kind of shit? wait till u go through it, den tell me if it's worse than the humiliation that nsl is giving u.

Friday, April 20, 2007

oh...haha realised i haven posted for quite long. but firstly, i wuld just like to sae thank you guys for all yr encouragement and stuff. your words really helped.

marlins finally played sharks last sat. i was really psyched up for that match cos i knew that i could most probably get a chance to play. and i did. i'm glad to say i din let myself down. i threw back mh's rotten words right back into her face! she dared to say my shooting technique is wrong when my shooting percentage was 91%?! and, (to sharks shooters: sorry for saying this) sharks had only an overall 41% on the shooting side. wad an irony. such a pathetic coach.

i felt happy trg wif marlins cos they give me the confidence i need. and jiao lian's comforting words of "there's nth wrong with your shooting, i don't see the need to change it". these people are whom i call REAL coaches man.

exams ended last thurs. damn damn happy tho i tink i screwed up twc and blaw damn badly. esp blaw! arugh....din manage to complete the paper..really fuked up la. all because of mh's news in the morning. why did i let myself get so affected by it la!

it's quite funny actually. that i'm the only one who have absolutely no competition to prepare for with the 21s. at least viv they all still haf arafura. quite a joke. that's y i refused to share the team bag with them. hoho. i dun want to be reminded of the past. but i'm happy because i'm in marlins. at least i feel the improvement, unlike being in 21s. i feel like i'm regressing la.

stayover at xian's house was fun! hahaha, and i won viv at the racing game lor! y say until i so lousy...just that i got giddy using the controller. hahahah. and passion of the christ was not nice lor. everything was boring until the torture part. hahah that's when i became more awake. it's not because i'm heartless, it's cos i'm not a Christian. My heart belongs more to Guan Yin. :)

went for marlins trg today and altho there were only 5 ppl, i felt it was still a productive session. at least i learnt a couple of shooter's movements! damn cool one....susan is great la!

and now my back is aching like mad. shit.

oh, my birthday's in a day's time!!!!!! hahahahaha.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

trial after trial. disappointment after disappointment.

thanks for making me lose all my pride as a player. thanks for constantly lying to me. thanks for giving me false hopes. thanks for NOT even watching the trials.

i feel so stupid for trying so hard. i feel stupid for working so hard.

i'll never get over the pain. i just got used to it.

okie, the arafura selections has really proven it. i really don't belong to the 21s. There's nth worth hanging on to it also. screw them.

no one will understand...

Friday, April 06, 2007

there's so much stuff happening these days..yeah all abt netball. maybe i'm devoting too much time to netball until i can't even focus on my exams which are like in 3 days' time??? how stupid, i wonder if the passion will sizzle..but then again, there's not much passion to start in the first place...esp after the 21s shit this year..

there are so many distractions esp today...omg omg....felt better after the run today..but i still cant focus..there's so much to practise la: management sci, biz law and twc! crap..

and i need money la...no tuition = no income...haiz, i want the LG KU800 phone! it's so nice! but i haf to get my priorities right. ipod, psp, KU800?? hahah, this is madness..

i learnt alot today, will talk more abt it when i feel like it.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

it has become even more apparent these days; that ure improving so much whilst i'm probably stagnant. i hate that kind of feeling...that kind of inferiority. i hate myself for being so weak and useless.